15 Minutes of Fame

Prepare to get dirty, crass and half-dressed. I spent some time on You-Tube recently and I have come across some fun videos from my cosplay past!

Well, it’s kind of cosplay. I’m a former champion and judge of the Sakura-Con Anime Swimsuit Contest for five years. I was runner up two years and took the crown for Fan Favorite one year. Following two years, I stood on as a judge…and to keep the guys who ran the contest sober. I miss that contest, but it’s not at Sakura-Con anymore. I hear the guys that run it are doing it all over the country at tons of different conventions now. I’m happy to have been a part of their experience while they were getting started up. f you YouTube Search “Sakura-Con swimsuit contest”, in the top ten videos, three of them feature me. Not too shabby, I must say.

Year One

I My first year resulted in a third place. It was ok, speaking it was the contest’s first year ever. No pics or video, but it was the first year the contest was ran. They had it in a room that could seat around 80 people. They easily capped it and probably put the convention at risk for creating a fire hazard. Guess they didn’t know how many people would actually want to see nerdy girls in bikinis. After three rounds, I was granted third place! I felt awesome to even place! I got $20 and a box of Pocky. I got to run around in a bikini at Sakura-Con and there was no issue. I consider myself lucky.

Year Two

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ASS2010  25608_505726785256_8036364_n

My big win as Fan Favorite in 2010 features me as Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion doing anime and video game-related stand-up comedy as my talent. I scoured the internet for really awful nerd jokes that were sure to make someone laugh. Most of them got people laughing and cheering. A few of them were pretty bad – so bad that someone in the audience boo’d me. Everyone started to boo him and shout at him. I calmed everyone down and said, “No, no it’s ok. I came prepared for this. Hey, you, your mama is so fat it took two Deathnotes to kill her.”

AWWWWWWWWW! The audience erupted. I had just school’d someone. I felt very cool ^_^ Very cool indeed. I shortly after that, someone decided my stand-up was worth recording, as you can see in the video before:

Year Three

In 2011, I cam back in full force as the Wolf Goddess Horo from Spice and Wolf. I took a note from Horo and tried to make it about her as much as possible. I sported my ears and tail with pride. I even drew from spring green-colored dress in the manga art and made my bikini to match. The one thing I was struggling with was the talent portion of the contest. I couldn’t figure out what to do. Fortunately, one night, I was discussing the upcoming and daunting Swimsuit Contest with my friends and how I hadn’t figured out my talent. I was waving my empty beer can around in a drunken stupor and exclaimed, “It’s not like I can crush a beer can with my thighs!” The reply came: “I don’t know, can you?” I tried. I could. I did. The first round left some very, very deep bruises.

Bruises

But hey! I could do it! I spent the next few weeks practice with strips of leather lining my thighs so I wouldn’t continue to bruise. I tried different positions, different kinds of cans, and even managed to put a few small secret starter dents (I know! Cheating!) in the cans so it would eventually give. If you’ve never tried it, it’s really fucking hard to crush a can with your thighs, especially when you’re sober.

Con came around, and I might have had a couple cocktails before the contest. I was so nervous, more so than I had ever been in previous years, I really wanted everything to go well. I was gonna need a can, an empty one, but then it dawned on me. Horo’s a booze hound, literally. The wolf-woman is a drunk, and she often does it to excess. It made me want to drink on stage too, but Sakura-Con has rules. I decided to chug a can of Pellegrino on stage to demonstrate my all powerful chugging skills…which are actually non-existent. I’m not a chugger. I lack something in my throat muscles. So, it took a while. A lot longer than I had hoped. The audience cheered me on, and I just kept trying to finish the damn can. Finally. The damned thing was empty. I was ready to crush. I got their attention and everyone was watching. In a farking bikini with a wolf’s tail and ears I squated into the chair, spread my legs and got the can ready. Allow my inner monologue…”Damn. This is really hard. Ah fuck. Why isn’t it working? C’mon Kat! We’ve been practicing this for weeks! Don’t fuck up now. Holy shit. What is going on!?”

People were leaping out of the seats. They were bum-rushing the stage – photographers, fans, creepers, but king among them all was Frank the Bearded Man. He is the champion of all swim suit contests. He takes off his shirt at every single one and is the real winner every year. He has become my long-time con buddy and he always brings me Bawls. I would like to take this moment to say that Frank was there first to make sure I crushed that can. That’s a real friend.

To skip my initial chugging and for other angles of the can crushing, see below:

The two years following I sat in as a judge to help declare the future winners, and hey, we even had a guy win the forth year! My last year sitting in, I was up on the stage at the Judges table, drinking BAWLS and messing with my phone. The contestants were all lined up on the panel floor, sitting in chair directly below us. I overheard their conversation trickle into familiar territory: “…You remember a few years ago when that chick crushed the can with her thighs?” “Yeah, that was pretty boss.”

And so my legendary memory had been passed down to younger generations of nerdy, scantily clad men and women, all questing for that $50 grand prize – oh, and a box of Pocky. So, I guess if you’ve ever wanted a real inside look of nerd convention swimsuit contests, you know what it looks like now – the inside of a wolf goddess beautiful yet bruised, porcelain thighs.

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-KLR

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